I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize