loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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