Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
