you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
