even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
