I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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