Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
