I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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