So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
