DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
