If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
