I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
