why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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