Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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