Having a random hookup so left but love u
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
