we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
