I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
