We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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