I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
