somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
