i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need to sanitize my soul.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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