I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
