I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
