somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
