Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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