I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
