my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
