I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
