Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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