I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
