i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We need to get me chipped asap
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
