I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
NoShamevember. You game?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
