Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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