I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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