I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
do nipples grow back?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
