it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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