is your mom at the bar?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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