I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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