batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
