That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
