i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
