I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
