Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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