I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
