I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize