I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
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A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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