Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
do herpes really smell.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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