8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
