Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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