i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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