I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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