Quick, to the slutcave!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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