I could make wine with my vomit
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
