i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
