Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
