he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it's like iHOP with fire
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
