shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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