Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
