Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
