He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
