so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize