you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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