She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
