He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
