: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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