you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This baby is an asshole
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
