I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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