Got a toothbrush?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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