you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
