10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
