I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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