she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
