I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
