It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
