Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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