if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
