I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
