It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
