My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
