You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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