I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
