he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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