i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
