i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Alive.
So much puke
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
